These are the things you may wish to keep in mind that have inspired us to a special outlook this holiday season.
10. Looking for a gift for that crusty old aunt you have never liked? Buy her a share of stock.
9. Need extra cash after your plumber's license has expired, but the camera crews refuse to leave your lawn? Write a book about it.
8. Did you really think the shipping companies would lower prices back to pre-$4 gasoline levels? Order gifts online only when you can get free shipping.
7. Haven't been kicked out of your foreclosed home yet? Throw the party there!
6. Send your banker or financial manager a Christmas card with postage due.
5. Send your congressman a bailing bucket full of holes.
4. Make sure that $90,000 you have stashed in your freezer has not been marked by the FBI.
3. Redneck hillbillies like silk underpants as much as the rest of us.
2. Take care of that huge SUV you bought last year because this year it's your home.
1. All the brush has been cleared off the Crawford ranch, getting ready for the huge, rowdy, free New Years Eve party planned for the millions of new jobless and homeless Americans.
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