Friday, October 2, 2009

The American Concert Tour


Boys and girls, I have a plan to help some of the American citizens that need help the most. This is a plan that would boost President Obama's popularity, help solidify some of our current, rampant divisiveness, and inject an economic boost right where it's needed most. The American Concert Tour (TACT) is nothing if not an old idea. Even though I thought it up, I would like to see it developed into a far more original theme and layout. As a concert promoter from the early '70's and an Austin resident since 1980, I have had an up close and personal look at this proposition. Here is more or less what I propose.

TACT will be somewhat like Farm Aid and Live Aid, but it should be developed into something at least a little more akin to Austin's South by Southwest (SXSW). First of all, it should not be a direct charity event like the former two, but an overall, commercialized economic boost to the cities in which it would be held. SXSW is not one big concert event at all: it is a plethora of small music events, all combined under the SXSW umbrella. The City of Austin and many of its businesses make more money during the week of the events than at any other time of the year. Most importantly, the money is not concentrated into a few hands, or even the local music industry. The whole city benefits, as do small, unknown bands from all over the USA (and the world).

The photo shows the most obvious choice to be the ringleader underneath the concert big top, but many others are obvious shoo-ins to be major players, too. The secret of the event's success would not be to create one big, mega-concert, but one main event surrounded by a whole week of lesser events. You get the picture: the nobody bands begin playing all over the city at the opening of the week and the superstars play the big finale on Saturday. The more successful you make the overall festival, the more those lesser bands will want to start playing during the previous weekend.

Here is one of the most important components of this idea. TACT will only be scheduled in key, major American cities that most desperately need an economic shot in the arm. These might include Detroit, San Diego, Phoenix, Sacramento, Las Vegas, New Orleans, the most deserving city in Ohio, and a city in Florida. These events could be scattered in time, with the northern cities hosting during the heat of the summer and the warmer cities hosting during the cooler months. Depending on how long it would take for the long-range planning issues, these should begin as early as next spring and continue through 2010 and 2011.

Local color, both musically and otherwise, would be encouraged so that each week-long festival has its own unique flavor, from the Motown sound to the Latin influence of San Diego. However much appropriate non-musical entertainment could be added in each location would also determine the overall flavor of the event.

If these cities are economic cripples in the first place, how are they going to pay for all this fun? The federal government will guarantee much of the cost upfront. Yeah, that's just what we need right now, yet another government bailout! No, what we need is to put Americans to work. Of course a large percentage of the jobs created will be temporary, but many of them will not, and temporary is a whole lot better than no jobs at all. How will the government recoup its costs? Remember Woodstock? The theatrical release, the LP, cassette tape, CD, VHS, DVD, and probably even the Beta and 8-track paid for it. The live concert itself lost a ton of money. That does tend to happen when you let your audience crash the gate. Thanks to having corporations in charge, that doesn't happen anymore, so the main concert event itself stands to net at least some of the cost. I would call this idea an indirect charity event. The government will back the main expenses, just like the major record labels and beer and soft drink companies have always done. Most of the week's lesser events will be created by small and large businesses within each locale.

The magic that will make this thing work is the inclusion of a variety of draws for the crowds. Famous and local authors can do book signings for all the nerds. Local and rival sports teams could do exhibition games for the jockstrap crowd. Some localities may find movie screenings to be a big draw. Others might impress with the local cuisine. There might be well established local events that have already found themselves in deep financial poop and would love the opportunity for a health revival by becoming a part of TACT. Some locales are going to vary widely from others in their basic infrastructure available and necessary to host a TACT event, and this could broadly influence the flavors of various TACT weeks. Some city layouts and weather patterns will drive most of the activity indoors while others are held all but totally outside.

In case you have never thought of it this way, events such as this build a need for jobs long before and long after these single exciting weeks. The week itself is just the climax of the economic boost. Every city loves tourism and wants more of it. What I am proposing is a big week-long blast of it for the locations in the USA that need it most.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Zip Up That Chicken Suit!


The Top Ten Journalists Who Should Appear on Television Wearing a Chicken Suit for Knowing the Truth about Sarah Palin and Babygate, and Refusing to Publicly Say a Word About It!

10. Jeanne Devon (AK Mudflats)

9. Shannyn Moore (Just a Girl from Homer)

8. Chris Matthews (Hardball)

7. Keith Olbermann (Countdown)

6. Campbell Brown (Campbell Brown)

5. Wolf Blitzer (The Situation Room)

4. Rachel Maddow (The Rachel Maddow Show)

3. Meghan McCain (The Daily Beast)

2. Arianna Huffington (The Huffington Post)

1. Greta Van Susteren (On the Record)

Feel free to vote for your favorites in the poll or add more chickens to the list in the comments!

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Check Their Queen!


Doesn't this image remind you of someone? If you have ever played chess, you should be able to realize just how strongly the balance of the game can be shifted when one player's fighting men have all been dispatched by his competitor and his king has heard the inevitable, Check! It becomes a game of cat and mouse from that point onward. The player whose king is in check with only a queen for companionship is the player who is always on the defensive. There is no time left for offensive maneuvers when your precious queen is on the run. Your tactical plans have been laid to waste. The only strategy you have left to play is to protect that queen at all costs.

The Republicans have a queen. The Democrats are displaying something less than intestinal fortitude when they blatantly ignore opportunities to threaten the other team's queen. How far along would health care reform be if the elephants had been kept on defense these past weeks? How much less divisive would our nation be if the right-wing operatives were busy defending their queen instead of issuing rallying cries for hate speech?

How do you threaten a queen? You bring issues to light so the Foxes guarding the hen house have less time to spark attacks on our (and their) President. The recent eBay auction was a scam from the beginning. The Hong Kong audience members are a bunch of Communists. Who carries her baby like a sack of potatoes? I don't want the retarded baby... I want the other one.

Friday, July 3, 2009

The Boogle Review


Mark McGinty at The Boogle gave my book Timeline of America an excellent review. Here is that review reprinted in its entirety.

300 Pages, Non-fiction history
4 1/2 out of 5 stars

Floyd Orr has succeeded in compiling a complete and completely off-beat history of American pop culture from before the first documented UFO sighting in 1644 to the failure of New Coke in 1985 to the rise of the Dixie Chicks as musical pundits. Timeline of America is not a typical history book – remember those 700-page clunkers that are heavy on war, atrocity and death? – Timeline is a book about the “fun stuff.” It is a celebration of the minutia that has defined our culture; the memorable movies, the power of television advertising, the rise and fall of popular music, sports as a consumable, popular cars, toys, computers and gossip. Somewhere between a non-fiction narrative and a list of dates, Timeline of America is a book like no other, a version of U.S. history told while sitting in the basement of That 70’s Show.

Organized into a series of narrative timelines that cover general history, movies, music, cars, television, sports, toys and “the nerd channel” it can either be read cover to cover (I did that) or used as a reference that allows you to skip to your favorite category or year without concern. It succeeds in connecting the dots and organizing all the white noise of pop culture into a tidy little capsule where all components can be viewed as pieces to a giant puzzle (I never realized that John Bonham and John Lennon died less than 90 days apart), and lets you see connections you never knew existed. Did you know that Starbucks and cell phones, two things that literally go hand-in-hand, both arrived in 1971?

Filled with interesting trivia (250 grave robbers were shot to death in 1900???) the book is meticulously researched and overflowing with nostalgia. It’s at its best when it covers the years when you grew up and resurrects countless suppressed memories (I had forgotten about the made-for-TV post-nuclear holocaust movie “The Day After”). Along with reminding you of all the great toys, shows and gossip of your youth, it’s also filled with many things you’ll be glad you missed – Heinz purple ketchup?

The strongest and most detailed prose can be found in the car section and Orr is clearly an enthusiast. I am not but I enjoyed learning how to determine the decade a car was produced by measuring the amount of chrome on its body. The details here are very convincing and Orr comes off as an expert. In fact, his knowledge of automobile history is so rich that it’s almost too much. It is packed with so many details that after awhile I was swimming in a sea of letters and numbers that looked almost like someone had taken a Scrabble game and tossed it on the floor with a stack of Uno cards (2000GT F150 Honda DX 1998). After awhile the makes and models didn’t mean much. Knowing that the 1998 Cobra had independent rear suspension was probably a bit too micro – I wanted to read more about Rod Stewart getting mugged and OJ fleeing from the cops in his Ford Bronco. And not a single mention of Back to the Future? Let’s hear less on specs and more on Nick Nolte’s hilarious DWI mug shot.

The movie section is pure nostalgia. Filled with movies I forgot that I loved and many I know I need to see it was great to read the yearly progression of movie history. The television section proved how quickly the arrival of the boob tube radically changed our innovation of snack foods. Can you image a dark age with no nacho-flavored Bugles or without mint and orange Kit-Kat bars? The music section is dedicated mostly it to rock music, categorizing and rightfully omitting rap, bubblegum and commercialized country music as “just plain trash.” Orr’s commentary includes such gems as “What is true rock and roll without talent, angst and rebellion? Without those things, all that is left is bad taste.” And he’s right on the money, strengthening his argument by referring to Shania Twain and Snoop Dog by their real names and not their corporate inspired monikers.

While some tidbits require further elaboration, like how reruns of Green Acres provided decades of entertainment for potheads, there will be some things that are missing entirely. No Kids in the Hall? What about The Daily Show? But Orr warns you that your favorites may not be found as not everything can be included. He alludes to a sequel and we hope we see one as the book ends with 2006 and almost begs for a second edition.

A masterpiece of nostalgia the book contains one nearly-fatal flaw: the cover. Clearly a symbol of the downhill slide music takes when corporate profits push art aside its tacky “road of life” image was clearly designed on a home computer. Normally I don’t go here and limit my reviews to the content of the book but in this case Orr risks sacrificing a wonderful read.

I’m reminded of the fictional rock band Spinal Tap, laboring over their album’s controversial cover and eventually releasing it in all black with no words or pictures. Let’s hope Orr doesn’t go that far when he produces his next edition but instead realizes that he has written a highly entertaining book – one that can be that much better.

Strengths: nostalgia!!! a fun, light read, painstakingly researched, filled with humor, well-written
Opportunities: not many but the car section gets bogged down in details, the cover
Will appeal to: movie buffs, car enthusiasts, history buffs, music lovers (especially rock music), people who enjoy gossip columns and anyone who loves their books American as apple pie.
Timeline of America: Sound Bytes from the Consumer Culture is available on amazon.

Reviewed by Mark McGinty, June 2009

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Outstanding New Review

Mark McGinty at The Boogle has just posted an outstanding new review of my fourth book, Timeline of America. You can read it at The Boogle or on Amazon. Thank you.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Hawkwind At His Leisure 2


Cat of the Day: Hawkwind

Believe it or not, this is the same picture turned upside down. Would you have known which one was upside down if I had not told you?

Hawkwind At His Leisure


Cat of the Day: Hawkwind

This is a photo of my Silver Chinchilla Persian, Hawkwind. Yes, he was named after the band. Believe it or not, this photo is right side up.