Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Fifty Faces

Hunter S. Thompson Cat has his eyes wide open watching out for the fifty faces I never want to see on TV again. No celebrity should be allowed to deface my television set as much or as often as the members of this rogues' gallery have done over the past few years. Some of these are on the screen multiple times a day, 365 days a year. Some have just been on the public stage too damn long, and some have been nauseating from their very first appearance. It's way past time to save my sanity and bring the hook. You may say that I can always turn off the TV or change the channel. That's why I watch with my finger on the channel or mute buttons. Hold your nose. Here comes the parade of stinkers.

50. Anderson Cooper - Of course I know you are not as bad as many on this list, but how many hours a day do we have to get our supposed news from only one person?

49. Larry King - Finally, one of these clowns has already left the stage. He was becoming quite the parody of himself.

48. Ray Barone & the Rest of His Family - Of course you created a decent sitcom, but enough is enough! You are on multiple channels umpteen times a day! I've seen 'em all already!

47. Kevin James - Some of your movies are quite good, but your sitcom earns a C+ on its best day. If it was on only once a week, that would be tolerable. As it is, I am sick of it!

46. Steven Tyler - I have always liked your outfits and persona as America's answer to Mick Jagger, but dude, you are embarrassing yourself!

45. Paul Teutul, Sr. - Does everybody on reality TV have to be covered in tattoos and build ridiculously expensive, but practically useless, products?

44. Will Ferrell - Some of your movies are good, but too many of them are silly trash that are rerun endlessly on numerous cable channels.

43. Dr. Drew - An occasional appearance on MTV was interesting. Now you are just in our faces way too many times a week on way too many channels.

42. Jabbering Sluts on MTV & VH-1 - What happened to the music videos, or at least stories about musicians?

41. Toothless, Tattooed Hicks - Why does every outdoor reality show have to showcase the morons of America?

40. Geraldo Rivera - You were more mentally stable before you joined Fox News.

39. Dennis Miller - You can speak quite intelligently, but how can you stand Bill O'Reilly?

38. Erin Burnett - You are just too damn cute to be taken seriously. Of course I have never taken you seriously in the first place because you came to CNN from The Wall Street Channel.

37. Lou Dobbs - Just go home to your Hispanic wife and shut up. You're a hypocrite!

36. Bill O'Reilly - If you had only stayed with the gossip reporting of your early career, you might still be tolerable. You are lower on the list than you deserve because your trivia quizzes are at least entertaining.

35. Ben Stiller - I am SO sick of your one-trick-pony act in movies endlessly rerun on TV. You may think you are the next generation's Woody Allen, but trust me, one movie released every five years would be plenty.

34. The cast of Hot in Cleveland - Yes, you have assembled a competent cast of famous comediennes, but the canned laughter and endless promotion are overbearing, and most of all, the show is STUPID!

33. Ted Nugent - You once were a rock star and decent guitar player. Get your ass out of politics and go back to screwing as many groupies as possible.

32. Janine Turner - Just because you once played an Alaskan does not make you a political expert.

31. Victoria Jackson - You are a stupid traitor to the sensibilities of Saturday Night Live!

30. Gene Simmons - Just because you washed off your makeup doesn't make you a TV star.

29. Sharon Osbourne - You married a rocker, but that doesn't make you worth watching on TV.

28. Piers Morgan - Take your Bristish snotass back to England, you turd. There are plenty of real Americans who could do a more honest job of interviewing politicians and celebrities.

27. Gloria Borger - You are one of the biggest sellout traitors to the Republican media. You once represented the voice of reason on PBS. Now you are just another CNN right-wing shill.

26. Bay Buchanan - You have always been a nut. Now you are just an old nut.

25. Mary Matalin - Thank your lucky stars that you live in New Orleans and are married to a sane person.

24. Dana Bash - You are married to another Republican on the same damn network. Could you be any less impartial in your reporting?

23. Elisabeth Hasselbeck - You may be easy on the eyes, but your mouth is hard on the ears.

22. Mika Brzezinski - See Hasselbeck above.

21. Mitt Romney - You were boring the first ten minutes you were on. Isn't paint drying somewhere?

20. Ari Fleischer - Can you add anything to the conversation other than Republican talking points?

19. Dana Perino - See Hasselbeck and Brzezinski above. Just because Ari Fleischer is on CNN does not mean that Fox News needs yet another blonde bimbo.

18. Neil Cavuto - You are a Republican supposedly reporting the financial news on Fox. Could you be any more biased, predictable or boring?

17. Joan Rivers - I used to like your humor, but you are on television way too much these days, and like Larry King, your expiration date was up long ago.

16. Mitch McConnell - You may not be on TV that much, but every time you are, you are a certified horse's ass.

15. John Boehner - You are just as big a jerk as McConnell; however, your orange pallor and boo-hooing add an element of entertainment.

14. Greta van Susteren - Get off my TV and take the Church of Scientology with you.

13. Laura Ingraham - You are a bad enough hate monger on AM radio. Do you have to disgrace television, too?

12. Dana Loesch - Who taught you manners, Adolf Hitler?

11. Michelle Malkin - Are you sure you are not a white KKK Southern Baptist in disguise?

10. Grover Norquist - You are doing so much political damage to America that no further explanation is necessary!

9. Wolfe Blitzer - Retire already, you old jackass Republican shill!

8. Barbara Walters - You used to be an intelligent interviewer. Now you are just a hackweasel for Sarah Palin and her family of grifters.

7. Stephanie Courtney (The Progressive Insurance lady) - You may be a talented comedian, but get off every channel of my TV! I am so sick of your stupid face, I could barf!

6. Jerry Stiller - Ditto Stephanie Courtney above!!!

5. Nancy Grace - Isn't there a pretty little white girl missing somewhere? Maybe you could find her sooner if you joined the search and got your snarling mug off the TV!

4. Herman Cain - Only Fox News would have the unmitigated gall to still give a has-been clown like you a microphone.

3. Sean Hannity - You are probably the biggest right-wing blowhard of them all.

2. Bristol Palin - Has there ever been a more worthless, talentless celebrity undeserving of fame in all of American history?

1. Sarah Palin, -  Of course you are #1. Your first screech of code words and sneering expressions back in 2008 was enough for anyone with a brain.


Guest said...

I don't like fish, so all restaurants should stop serving it.  On second thought, I could order something else, go to a different restaurant or eat at home.  I dunno; what do you think makes more sense? 

nancydrewed said...

Floyd, you had me worried. I thought the same hackers operating in fall 2008 had managed to erase your site. Blogger is announcing 'niafs' to be available for use. No link. Well, that's a relief. :-)

77TA66 said...

 There is no problem, Nancy. The time had just arrived for me to clean up my act. The whole thing was a little messy because some of my blogs had been using Disqus for a long time and some had not. I am cutting it down from a maximum of twelve a few months ago to only five now.

trish in SW FL said...

I was worried too.  Glad I tried the google, and it worked!  :)

nancydrewed said...

Shouldn't there be a redirect though? Any sidebar (which is how I usually got here) will be a dead end, won't it? Just a thought from the technically-challenged. :)

77TA66 said...

 The reason I chose to make these changes at this time is that the links to niafs had dwindled down to a minimum, but the redirects from the other direction had continued unabated. It should be only a few days before everyone who had previously been following a link to niafs should discover the new URL.

Holly said...

I must stand up for Steven Tyler. In my area you can't throw a rock without hitting someone who's met him. I've met him myself. To a person, every single individual I know who has met him, has raved over what a genuinely nice person he is. No celebrity attitude at all.

Victoria Jackson broke my heart. I loved her on SNL and even more in Weird Al Yankovick's film UHF. Who knew then she was such a closed-minded bigot?

This list makes me glad I have no cable. Of the other 48 on the list, I only recognize 10.

Glad to have found you again.

77TA66 said...

 As I am sure you have guessed, most of the mentions of certain celebrities in this list is made with tongue in cheek. It is not really the performers I am ranting about, but the six media companies that control, and have practically ruined, cable and satellite television. The endless repetition of the same faces and the same shows and movies has become truly nauseating. Of course I like Steven Tyler a lot, too. You and your friends are very fortunate to have met him.

Redeye said...

Levi should definitely be included with Bristol.  Both are alike, except Levi capitalized based solely on his connection to another family, and in the most disrespectful way possible. That alone earns him the #1 spot. 

But really, none of the Palins or Johnstons, I believe, care about celebrity. I KNOW Bristol doesn't, as she  lived a private life the entirety of 2009, working respectfully. It's her almost inlaws that have no direction (as their onetime friends say)