Hidden Body

Let's cut to the chase. There is precisely one, and only one, reason why any of us gives a rat's ass about Levi Johnston or any of his Palinbrat pals: he knows where the bodies are buried. Whether there is only one Trig or one separate Tripp or several of each, Levi knows enough to stop the madness, even if he is honestly ignorant about some of the details. His recantation this morning was about as surprising as a snowfall in Alaska, just as the news breaks of his girlfriend's new gig as an exciting new prime time celebrity. Wow! I have never seen this movie before. Who would have ever dreamed that the circus had kept its tent up for an extended engagement? We have to keep Joy Behar's millions coming in on the most provocative channel on cable! We wouldn't want her to actually have to tell the truth that the public really wants to hear. We have to all pretend that we care so deeply about the Palinbrat Circus that we watch it every day just for its unlimited excitement. Blow it out your millionaire ass, Joy, I'm sick of being provoked. If you cannot give us real news that matters, we'll be glad to change the channel.

I pick on Joy Behar because she used to be one of the good people, like Whoreanna Fuckington, Gloria Borger, Jay Leno, Barbara Wa-wa, and Oprah. Jay owns many of the exact models of sports cars and motorcycles that I can only worship from afar, but after decades of watching him and listening to his humor, he has been permanently placed on my no watch, no listen list. Since the day he interviewed Sarah Palin without asking a single question relevant to any pertinent scope of reality, Jay has been off my television screen. I refuse to watch even a single minute of his show. The same goes for the others I named, and more such interviewers with terminal amnesia whose names, only for the sake of brevity, I have not listed here. In my household, if you, Mr. or Ms. Millionaire A-hole Interviewer, talks on TV with Sarah Palin without asking a single tough question of the consistently lying and obfuscating witch, you are no longer welcome on my TV screen, and I mean forever.

If only we could all make this choice, maybe we could encourage some of the corporate news media to pay attention. Don't bring up that Maddow and Olbermann nonsense, either. Since when has either of them told the truth about Babygate? Do you think they were somehow excused from the meetings with the boss? Anyone who feels the same way I do about these truths should personally boycott any and all of these talking heads immediately. Yes, I understand if you want to give M & O a pass on a total boycott, but you could at least throw a pillow at the screen every time one of them is presented with a golden opportunity to mention Babygate and doesn't. Even if you make these choices within your own homes, at least your nerves could settle down a bit. If there is no decent news on television at the time, just as it seems in my house more and more these days, you could at least read a book. There are a number of these out there that will tell you the truth about SP, even if none yet specifically tell you the tale of Babygate that you yearn so deeply to read.

Whether it is a deceased Ruffles, an acquired Trig, or a Tripp born in early 2008, Levi knows the truth that will stop her. If we did not think this fact was at least more than a little likely, he could do a striptease on the news and most of us would go, Eeewww! and change the channel. Well, the male viewers would, anyway. We could care less who is the next Mayor of Wasilla or the dancing partner of a has-been star. We are all weary of counting babies and examining baby faces, ears, and toes. How many more newscasters, interviewers, and talk show hosts can we tune out? We are running out of viable news channels on our remote controls. Just tell us where the bodies are buried, take the media payoff or book deal, and run like hell to a warmer climate, Levi.

When Few Were Paying Attention

The latest poll results are in and they are no surprise to me, although the poll itself, like the photo at left, is a mysterious illusion. We know this is not Sarah Palin in this picture, and we know now that SP did not give birth in early 2008. We also know that somebody did, but outside that obvious statement, a ball of confusion has reigned over America for the past two years. Just as Tina Fey has become a symbol of something most of us were not even aware existed until August 2008, we didn't know exactly where to look for the keys to the mystery until long after the perpetrators had intentionally scrambled the evidence. Everybody went back to Saturday Night Live to see Tina imitate an idiot two years after she had left the show. Now we are all closely examining a couple or three babies to try to discover their true birthdays after the fact.

The poll question itself was strangely worded: When were the Trigs born? The poll results were easily predictable: January (41), February (65), March (16), and April (7). These represent the supposed months in 2008 in which any baby playing the part of Trig might have actually been born. The strange part is that the month is not actually as pertinent as exactly which babies are we talking about? I set up this poll at a time when I was fairly certain that Ruffles was a Trig instead of a Tripp. Now that I think it is even more likely that Ruffles is a Tripp instead of a Trig, the plot implied by this poll either thickens considerably or simplifies, depending on your point of view. From the moment I created this poll, I expected the results to show the order exactly as they have, with February being the first choice of most of my readers, and January in second place. The bigger question is what Trig or Trigs, or even Tripp, was in the mind of each voter as she made her selection in the poll? Let's assume for the moment that most of the responders were thinking of Round Ear, some were thinking of Ruffles, some were considering both, and maybe a few were even adding Elfie into the mix, but few or none were considering Tripp.

We are going to take a little detour for a moment to a right-wing blog that discussed Governor Palin as McCain's VP pick in May and June 2008. This article at Wizbang clearly delineates that hopeful Alaskan Palin fans, and some from outside the state, were keenly aware that McCain might very well unleash the pitbull. Most of the commenters were thrilled with the idea. If you read through those comments, you will begin to better understand the title of this post. Yes, I know that most of them are laughable in their naivete about Palin's personality, accomplishments, and future issues, but the time frame of these comments should send a chill through your sane mind. If the witch's Alaskan Fan Club knew this much this early about McCain's plans, exactly how much and how early did Sarah Palin know? Needless to say, this article reminds me just how much I have been singing this tune for nearly two years: it was all a plot, people!

Now the next little detour I want you to take is to go to the Tripp slideshow in the sidebar. If you have already examined it, please take another look because I added a few more photos just before writing this post. There are purposely no captions or identifying dates listed in this slideshow, but the order of the pictures is important. I have positioned each of them in as chronological a manner as I can just by looking at Tripp and ignoring all the other information. Yes, there could be a few minor discrepancies within this order. I tried to group them by subject and size just to make the slideshow flow smoothly, but the point is to closely examine the age Tripp appears to be, while ignoring whatever preconceptions you might have about the time of the shooting or publication of any particular photographs. Open your mind and you might discover a few new avenues of thought.

The poll indicates clearly that most of us think whatever babies are involved in the Babygate mystery were born earlier in 2008 than has been publicly stated. As I am sure some of you have surmised, once you have opened your mind to the possibility that Ruffles is actually Tripp, and Tripp is approximately eight months older than publicly claimed, many Freudian slips from both The Johnstons and The Palins will fall a little more neatly into place. So do many baby pictures we have seen displayed during television interviews and in many other media sources. As with your opinion of Tina Fey, who once was just another funny SNL comedienne, you might find that your opinion of the mystery of Babygate has also shifted. What seemed so obvious two years ago looks like an illusion now, doesn't it?

Disposition

The poll numbers concerning the whereabouts of Ruffles show little agreement. In fact, they are all over the map. Both my wife and I voted for deceased, with institutionalized as our second choice. From the 260 votes cast, 73 were for Living with Someone Else, 55 for Living with His Real Mom, 54 Deceased, 29 Living with Another Relative, 23 Stashed at the Compound, 18 Institutionalized, 5 Living with Bristol, and 3 Disguised as DS Trig.

Beginning at the bottom, obviously few of the PB readers think that Ruffles has reappeared as another Trig, either Round ear or with elfin ears. I think the general consensus has been from the start that if there had been any ear surgery or molding done on Ruffles, it would have been to create the elfin ears. Few people really think that Ruffles could have possibly been turned into Round Ear, which is the leading issue that has propelled the Two Babies theory in the first place. Ruffles is one baby and Round Ear is a second baby, regardless of the existence or not of a third child who has played the part of Trig. The general hypothesis I get from this tiny poll number is that support for the ear modified, third Trig theory is waning; however, the psychologist in me is going to have a pertinent comment or two about this concept after the all the results have been detailed.

Five people suggested that Ruffles is now living with Bristol. Unless you are also hypothesizing that Tripp or another Trig is the same child as Ruffles, I do not see how this theory can hold. It is, indeed, a choice that had to be included in the poll for thoroughness, but there are several problems with it in this case. First of all, the only photos of Bristol pushing a twin stroller show Trig and Tripp at some time well after 12/27/08. There have been absolutely no reports or sightings of two babies present except for the obvious combination of Trig and Tripp. There has been every indication that Bristol took Tripp when she moved into the condo, and then she returned to the compound with Tripp, with no indication of a second baby being involved.

I was surprised that only eighteen chose Institutionalized. My best guess is that this assumes that Ruffles has FAS, and that is still a fairly firm part of my own theory. If Ruffles was simply a little weak or premature, but otherwise a normal baby, then this depressing future for Ruffles is a decreased likelihood. I suspect that at least a few of the poll voters may have avoided this choice simply because it is depressing, and they had rather hold higher hopes for Ruffles. I would suppose that if Ruffles does not have FAS, then he could probably be adopted out to a nice home.

Is Ruffles still very much alive and stashed at the compound? Has he remained a closely guarded secret all this time? I was quite surprised that 23 people selected this choice. Whenever I have broached the subject of his being hidden away as a deep, dark secret in the past, there seemed to be little agreement on this theory. Now I am not sure what to think of these latest results. Maybe more people are now leaning in that direction?

If Ruffles was sent to live with another relative, then 29 voters got it right. There are certainly at least a handful of such relatives to choose from, but I still vote against this choice. I am not sure why, but something just does not add up. There seems to have been no mention lately of contact between Bristol and these other relatives, for one thing, however, that might not mean much. Are those who selected this choice thinking of Sarah's sister Molly or Aunt Heather? What about the relative who lives in Seattle?

Fifty-four of us voted that the child is deceased. If this depressing scenario turns out to be the truth, I have three suggestions for the cause, in decreasing order of likelihood. The first of course is that the baby was born very weak and premature and simply died of whatever complications might have ensued. The second is that he died as a result of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. The third is that he smothered in the sling that Sarah may have carried him in to her office or elsewhere. The information about the sling recall was in the news many months ago, long before I began this blog. I took note of the issue at that time, but I have been hesitant to mention this possibility due to its possible unfairness, as well as its incendiary nature. Please note that I have listed this only as the least likely possibility. When I chose deceased in the poll, I was distinctly basing that choice on the first two listed causes, or possibly even a combination of the two. The third choice is always possible, but highly unlikely.

Fifty-five voters think Ruffles has already been placed back in the home of his real mother, whomever that might be. I assume from this that a large number of you still think Sarah might have borrowed a baby. If the only evidence we had of Ruffles was the kitchen photo shoot, then I could allow this theory more credibility, however, this is not the case. We know that Ruffles appeared in two different photo shoots that same weekend, and most likely took part in two additional, official governor's business events, too! No way in hell is any mother, even a devoted friend and Palinbot, going to lend out her premature newborn to be carried into and around Anchorage and passed off as the governor's baby! Who was reported as seen holding that newborn at one of these events? Piper. Give me a break, people. This whole borrowed baby nonsense is officially off my radar screen until proven otherwise.

Could Ruffles simply be living with someone else? More of you agree on this premise than any other, and I cannot say that this choice is far off the mark. Although this would be my third choice, 73 of you voted for it, and you could certainly be right. If there was not a problem adopting out Ruffles, then why not? This would be the humane, wonderful solution we would all like to see. Not only would Ruffles have new loving parents, he would be spared the psychosis of growing up Palin! The fly in the ointment here is why would Bristol allow him to be adopted out if he was a normal, healthy child? Yes, I would love to think this scenario is the the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but I am skeptical nonetheless. I certainly give this choice higher credence than most of the others. I have a problem with the baby being borrowed or kept hidden within the family in some manner, but if he was born and then simply adopted out, he would be out of the public eye forever. The story could end right there for Ruffles. He would grow up to be a normal kid known only for his unusual ears, not his crazy celebrity family.

The psychologist has a few closing comments. The relentless manner in which modern Americans seem to leap from one conclusion to another, depending on whatever is most recently displayed in a blog post, or even a comment to a blog post, has become rather appalling in its short-sighted and immediate level of gratification. Some other bloggers and commenters I know have aroused suspicions over the birth of another child on 4/18/08, and now the innertubes are buzzing with delight. The opinions are flying furiously as to whether or not this birth announcement has any relevance to Babygate. I am not making a judgment call on this issue in either direction at this point, but I am attempting to direct your energies into a more generalized direction. There was a time a few months ago when the concept of a third Trig was all the rage. When Tipp's birth date was announced, yet no one saw him until two months later, even I was referring to him as The Invisible Baby. We have to be careful of some of this theory hopping according to whatever happens to be in our faces at the moment. The only thing we all agree upon is that Sarah Palin is the most despicable politician in American history and we want her out of our faces, off the national political stage, off our television sets, away from our innertubes, and preferably wearing orange and residing in a small cell with a large African-American lesbian named Maybelle!